Perfectionism and Procrastination

Is it just me who feels these two things go hand in hand?

I’m April and I am a recovering perfectionist and people pleaser (and probably always will be). There was a time where I would sit on the floor rather than crease the cushions I’d spent ages straightening or if an author I loved brought out a new book in a different style cover design to the ones I already had – I would have to buy them all again so they matched but time and therapy have made sure I’m not in that place anymore.

In my working life I worked really hard on the idea that “done is better than perfect” but always held myself to very high standards and in all honesty, I’d invested so much in being perfect that I had really good systems in place to make sure everything was perfect. I also believed that perfectionism would lead to approval rather than disdain but that’s another story.

Needless to say I never expected perfection from anyone except myself! It took me a long time to learn to extend the grace I give to others to myself!

Picture by growthbyvisuals

Now that I am self-employed, I often find myself paralyzed by procrastination – I can’t do this or launch that until it’s perfect. Everything from the name and design to the concept has to be exactly right. I procrastinated on starting this Substack because I couldn’t find the “perfect” name for it. Eventually I forced myself to just use my own name in order to get it out in the world. A couple of months into its existence I came up with the current title which I really like and is, I think appropriate for what I’m currently writing.

As part of my business, I’m looking to launch a new service and again I’m getting stuck on the name and it’s so stupid. Rationally I recognize that but I’ve really struggled to get past it. I am working on it so watch this space…..

Something that is helping with this is having done The Artist’s Way with Rachel and Naz of Women are the Medicine last year.

I’d heard about the book for years and mistakenly assumed it only applied to people who drew or painted as artists! Once I realized that was not the case, I decided to give it a try and I really enjoyed the process.

I did Morning Pages faithfully for months – although there were quite a few days where I kept writing “I don’t know what to write”! there were some days where the act of writing gave me actual clarity and I came up with the germ of a story which I’m still ruminating over and it really did help loosen my creative muscles again. (Disclaimer: I’ve not managed to do morning pages recently for a number of reasons but I am going to pick it up again). I still struggle with Artist Dates but I am trying!

I don’t know if it was doing TAW or just being around Substack more but it led me to finding some lovely writing (and writers) on here – especially Annie Ridout and Old Man Talks – both of whom I contacted and asked for permission to turn their words into doodles in my journal which I then post on my Instagram. They were both kind enough to allow me to do that for which I am very grateful.

(picture by me, words by Annie Ridout)

My habit of screenshotting things I like pre-dates this and loosening my own creativity allows me to do things my own way but it (the screenshotting) is something I still do a lot (in the olden days when Twitter wasn’t the hellscape X is I used to share a Thought For The Day in a similar way).

I know myself well enough now to know that I need time to process and work things out before I can pin down exactly how I’m going to do something and I’m leaning into that more and more. In my previous working life having the structures and systems that I followed in place helped me maintain my high-level productivity and effectiveness while my brain was doing the processing behind the scenes. Burnout and chronic illness made this unsustainable so now I have to take more time to allow myself the space for processing and I have given myself permission to do this.

Now, in my life in general I have given myself permission to slow down and take more time to do the things I enjoy as part of my recovery from burnout.

I think I’m sharing all this to remind myself that perfectionism is unsustainable and life is messy. Procrastination can be crippling and anxiety inducing. The best way to learn and get bettter at something is to practice and Practice = Progress.

I hope it also helps you remember that.

If you feel you need permission to slow down – This is it.

Thanks for reading

A x

Picture by Beth Spencer